• Mark Ricktor

Who Are You?! Seriously WHO?!

That is the question I woke up to screaming in my head when my kids were just about to turn into teenagers (later when they did...well I am still convinced some alien life form replaced each of them...). Let me back up here and describe what brought this voice taking its turn as my alarm clock! Back in the late 1990s, I went from being a Soldier in the United States Army, serving my country to being a single father. Now if you are a parent (that's good because this is aimed at you) there is nothing that truly prepares you for the journey you take in becoming a parent. An even BIGGER revelation is when you become a single parent there is even less that prepares you (especially for me as a single father). Luckily for me, being military trained prepared me to handle a LOT of chaos that served me well as I raised my children alone. It was terrifying at first, but the 3 of us did an awesome job! So I hear you "yeah yeah - get to the voice in your head - you sound a little crazy"! On this particular day

I woke up and realized something. I had NO IDEA WHO I WAS ANYMORE?! The more adept I became a single parent the more I lost my individuality. I became a super dad! I was the Dad for sure! I was also a mom - I braided hair, painted finger, and toenails (really got in touch with my emotions for both my son and my daughter). I was our family's, finance manager, head chef, clean up crew, teacher, coach, tear wiper, boo boo healer, entertainment manager, and the most "fun" parent who got to take my daughter to buy her first bra (another post for another time and if she knew I was writing this she would probably kill me - she is an adult now and pretty tough). So I am a firm believer that the universe, gives up that which we put out because, shortly after this morning of my screaming head alarm clock, I met an older wise man who would become a very important guide in my life. One day, to make a long story short, he sat down with me and said something that changed my life (and I feel will change yours also). He said that my kids were on the cusp of becoming teenagers and that they are beginning to do what teenagers do - begin to find their place in this world (and does not necessarily include me). When I heard this, I could feel my heartbreak a little. I mean think about it (see if you see yourself in this as well) I gave up a lot to be a single parent. I stepped up when my ex disappeared (another long story). The 3 of us had been together since they were each 2 and 3 years old. He went on to say that deep down this is exactly what is supposed to happen, but then he said something that made my jaw hit the table. He said that I have to ask myself "Who are you? Seriously who?" I had been so wrapped up in being a single parent, I lost sight of who I WAS/AM as an individual outside of my children. He said that once they were old enough they would move out, AND no matter what I would still have my own life to live. Luckily he was a kind man - because I began to cry. So there I was a blubbering mess. Successful at being a single parent, and lost within that identity was my own individuality lost just waiting to be rediscovered. From that moment on I began to carve out (very gently at first) the slightest feeling of space to found Mark the individual again.

That is what brings me here, guiding other single parents, to a similar truth. I will put this very simply...

"Many single parents know what they are, very few know who the are..."

SO now it's your turn fill out the form below...This will be YOUR first step to gently create a space for you to discover you! I am currently filling up spaces for this and it all begins with us sitting down for an hour session (complimentary). Trust me when I say - I have been in your shoes - I am a trained, evolved man, and will not try and fix you - I will coach you!!

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