See if you can identify with any part of this part of my story...If you read my story you will have a greater understanding. In my post, I posed that we as single parents know what we are, very few of us know who we are. Part of my work has been to understand this and this is what I have come up with. As my life of a single parent began, it took off like a rocket. Like I have said before - I went from being a soldier in the U.S. Army to an overwhelmed, overweight, unhealthy, undersexed, single dad. Now as I am on a healthier road I look back on those days and visualize my current self hugging my younger self and explaining that there are happier days ahead - just stay the course. If I could have a real conversation with my younger self, I would ask a question..."Why are you trying to be all things to all people"? I know my answer would have been - "because everything depends on me and rests on my shoulders. I am under a microscope and failure is not an option"! My younger self would have swallowed his pride, and feeling of being terrified at this role he has taken on, and continued to have some pretty decent crying sessions in the dark of night - alone. We as single parents take on multiple roles doing literally everything ourselves. I hear this repeated as I coach other parents. The other thing I hear is we all say to some degree or another "I could deal with it all a lot easier if only my ex would_____". I remember feeling that same way! In retrospect, if I am being honest, I am partly to blame for that. You see, as I matured into my role as a single parent, I became so accustomed to having to do everything that I convinced myself that NO ONE but me knew the right way to do things (I mean ANYTHING! It was all on me). So I rarely if ever asked for help. Now, do not get me wrong my ex (whatever her motivations were) was off doing her own thing, and help would not have come if I asked. The part that I own up to in this, I never did. Partly because I was so ANGRY, the other part is my foolish pride.
So here I was, the master of this world I had created for my children and myself, unable to realize that I desperately needed help and not willing to take it if I did. I WAS STUCK...and my guess is (to some degree) so are you. When I was FINALLY allowed to move, because the divorce was FINALLY done, I began to realize just how stuck I was. In the visualization of my current self nurturing my younger self, I realize that if only I was able to gain some perspective or give myself some space to at least begin to gain some perspective my life, and that of my children may have been a little less feeling like I was trudging through thick mud.
So my dear ones - I ask you this - what are you doing for yourself to get unstuck? To feel less isolated, to gain some perspective? Need Help?! hint hint hint...(take the hint - yes you do!)
So I have created a group coaching session exclusively for single parents. Click on this link and you will be taken to the sign-up sheet. OR if you want to chat one on one we can schedule a session (complimentary). You can process, vent, whatever and I won't try and fix you, I will listen and will probably ask some questions (that's part of what I do...)